Jeez, I haven't posted on this thing Foooooor Eva!!! Well i've been....ok. Christmas was great, i got this new computer...but i was disappointed with what i got from some people. One of whom i broke up with....and gave him the choice to make up with me, and try to get me back. That was a week ago...and he hasn't done ANYTHING!!! Well whatever, there's someone better for me out there...and he's comming, i just haven't met him yet!

Finals week is ooooova!!! Yay!!!! I had a 89.35 in science after my finall....and i was like PLZZZ and i have to do some stuff for extra credit, but i got an A!!! yay!!!!!!!!!

I'm stressed about school, and amir might be moving back in, and i'm tired and weak cuz i'm getting sick again (anemic). I'm worried about Xmas, i had like $120 and now i have like $5 and i got stuff for everyone, but i still have to get something else for Chris, and my Mom. I hope i got enough for Torrey...John say's he'll like it, but i dunno...i love buying gifts and giving them and everything,  but i'd be even more mad at myself if i didn't do my best...and it's kinda sad when no one ever matches it...but i'm not asking for it...I feel so alone...Torrey's trying to help, but i don't wanna dump my problems on him, cuz then i'd hate myself even more. But i'll let him help, cuz he says it's part of his job, and i'm happy to let him help...just i feel bad, and i don't think i'm quite ready to fully open up to him...what if he thinks i'm even crazier then he thought? I'd be ruined...and i'm worried that our relationship will become just physical..when i like to think about it just as a nice bonus...I also am worried that i've been too bold and 'bad'..i hope i didn't like change his idea of me....i just...didn't stop myself...and now i'm like nervous around him cuz i'm embarrased...i just hope i don't run away like i feel i need to.

Heyyyyyyyy!

I'm just bored...updating on my lifestuff! Friday was one month for me and Torrence, my boyfriend...I just painted my new room pink and white and pink spotches!!!

Uhmmmmm...My mom and I are working on our christmas present for our familiy, which is a Cd of me and her singing ten christmas carols. We had a really good talk today, much like me and torrey's talk on saturday night about how i don't like myself, and my mask. I think there's a reason for all that's going on right now, so i don't have to worry about my present problems, cuz i know with torrey and my mom's help it'll be ok.

Uhmmm..i got my quarter grades, they're:

Natr. Science II H            B+

Geometry H                     A

English II H                      C

Student Achievement       A

French II                         B+

World History                 A

This is the fourth week of my sophmore year in Rancho Cucamonga High school, and i feel like starting this blog, and my myspace (lol) back up again. I'm, once again, going through guy problems. my ex and i are sort of in an awkward agreement that we totally love each other, yet its not exactly going to work out (i'm kind of sick of going into details there, so i'm just not gonna sorry). And then there's torrence, who is also in foothill chapter demolay with kevin (my x) he's really cool, and i've been hinting that i like him, and i even gave him a kiss on the cheek today...

Demolay is going really well, this saterday i'm going to be installing Rachel as the new sweetheart of foothill chaper, and i have to give her my tiara (tear..) but the following saterday i get to be in the east, installed as the new worthy advisor of sunshine assembly!! i got a new dress, and the carry ins, all i have to do now is get the flowers (lilies, my fav.) and the rest of the decorations this sunday.

Just a quick catch up!! I love you all, and hope that your doing as well as i am, if not better!!!

Love

Heidi Jo

P.S. PIXY STIX ROOOOOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!